If I were writing Vampire Romance Stories Books.

1. The first book would be titled Kissy Fang. The main character is named Pretty Sparkles and she is allergic to sunlight. She discovers that the only way she can stand the sun is to bath in the blood of the innocent. Enter handsome-vampire-with-a-bad-lisp-and-the-inability-to-say-the-letter-C. He informs her that she is, in fact, a vampire and should totally make out with him. She does and then immediately regrets it. Tough luck though lady, 'cause now they're married! She then has to go and meet his parents. As it turns out, Pretty and that-one-guy are not vampires and are also not married (At least they weren't until he performed the secret vampire wedding ritual behind her back while his parents were talking to her) Of course that isn't real either. Anyway, finally a pack of roving werewolves (Turns out they are real) wander by and eat her, that douche bag and his parents. When the cops get to the crime scene they vomit for hours (on account of the gore). Eventually they finish (vomiting) and declare it a botched murder-suicide and close the case. That night officer Thompson ate more sonic-spice hot wings than any of his fellow officers and spent the rest of the night receiving high-fives.
2. The second book is titled Vampire Shaw Shank Redemption. It’s exactly the same as the Shaw Shank Redemption except they are vampires.
3. The third book would be titled Vampire Uppercut! This book would reveal that the werewolves from the first book were actually alligators that had escaped from the zoo. The story follows their exploits following their daring escape from the zoo (They tricked their care taker into putting his head into one of their mouths). The story ends with the alligators being shot dead by sheriffs with Uzis in slow motion as the song free bird blares in the background. There are many witnesses to the shooting and they all agree it was a good idea.

I'm Not Smart Enough For MS Word

So I'm sitting around last night after a sweaty run and my wife, using my MacBook Pro, asks me to help her delete some pages from her word document. She had been creating a resume, cover letter, etc. Like the rest of us I've used MS Word more than ANY program ever... over the different generations of it anyway.

Now being in design school and being fairly proficient with many different design programs like photoshop, illustrator, indesign as well as many other random web/image/video/sound editing programs has made me confident in my general computer skills; those needed to operate MS Word included.

There I am looking at the interface, which isn't bad by any means, and I'm clicking around learning a bit about Word 2008 for my Mac. I can't seem to delete a page easily so I find a help article being the responsible user I am.

"Wow that help was easy to use," I thought to myself. "Good work MS!" But as I followed this so called help's instructions for this standard toolbar button I lost my mind a little. I stared at the screen and searched through menus for 15 minutes strait. My wife told me she'd figure it out but I would have none of that! I had been asked to help and I would help by god!

Fail. Pwn'd by MS Word. I'll never here the end of it...

New game! Can you spot the delete page button?

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