Dear people that aren't us,
We white folks may not be known for the the size of our penis. But good lord are our balls fucking huge. GIGANITC! You know what I mean. We marched around the goddamn planet doing whatever the fuck we wanted for a good long time. Not that we're stopping. Mainly because we're Christian and you're fucking not. And we will change that. Did you know Jesus was white? WELL HE WAS (and he rode on a dinosaur)! Now get over it!
Columbus Day is a yearly punch to the taint we like to deliver to our Native American friends. At least we didn't make a holiday for when we (white peoples) discovered Africa. I don't think would have gone over well.
But we gave the Native Americans an important holiday so we should be strait: Thanksgiving. Look at all the cute children dressed like indians! That should more that suffice for all crazy shit we did to them. That AND we gave them a whole state! And it's named after them (red people)! So stop complaining already!
AND we constantly recognize their heritage with sports teams like the Redskins, Chiefs and Indians. I think we should probably do this with African Americans as well. Maybe the Kansas City Blacks? Or maybe the L.A. Darkskins? Wait, what are the Cleveland Browns names after?
Oh and did I mentioned we brought reason, science, self-reliance, individualism, ambition and productive achievement! They should really me thanking us.
In conclusion: step off people that aren't white. We know what's best. God put us in charge for a reason.
Somewhat Sincerely,
White People
/sarcasm off
