The Battle is Joined...

"ON YOUR FEET, SCUMBAGS!"

"That's right. It's me. Colonel Motherfuckin' Sanders. Agent of KFC. And I am sick of this sparkly vampire bullshit. So guess what? The Colonel is going to get motherfuckin' medieval on some motherfuckin' vampires. But how are you going to do that Colonel? Motherfucker, don't you know who I am? Let me comb my beard while you gaze upon the death of sparkly vampire bullshit."

"That's right, motherfuckers. The KF'nC Double Down. Two strips of bacon, two types of cheeses, and the Colonel's special sauce. In between two pieces of boneless fried chicken. That's right motherfucker! Get that bread shit away from the Colonel. I'm using fried chicken for the goddamn bun. You see, sparkly vampires need blood to live right? Due to KFC's off the fuckin' hook testing (which you bitches aren't classified to know) sparkly vampires can't feed on human blood if that blood has a high level of near death fat content. So all you need to do is eat... it all starts with the Double Down. Next is the Triple Down. After that, its the Colonel Adds a Fourth Piece of Motherfuckin' Fried Chicken Down. Because that's who I am. It's what I do. You can thank me later."

"DISMISSED!"