Allow me to introduce you to one of nature’s most awesomest creatures ever! Are you ready? I doubt it. Allow me to introduce you to… the Sugar Glider!
This guy is Australian-wacky-animal at its best (and they’re totally not poisonous, which is weird for Australia…I wonder…
Poison Fairy: “G’day, mates! Crikey, which one ‘ol you little buggers wants some poisonous critters?”
North America: “I do!”
Africa: “I do!”
South America: “Uhm… ok, I guess I’ll take some but just a few please. I already have all kinds of dangerous/weird animals that I picked up from that last stupid fairy (I noticed that the rest of you guys didn’t stop me, even though you knew I was stupid drunk. Thanks jerks!)
Poison Fairy: “Too bad.” [Gives big, heaping hand full to South America.]
South America: “Thanks Asshole! Now nobody is going to want to live here!”
Poison Fairy: “ ‘K mates, I still have most of what I brought with me left. Anyone else? I’ll toss in a boomerang for free.”
Australia: “Sold! Crikey that’s a lot! Let’s put a shrimp on the barby!”
Poison Fairy: “Brilliant! Well, I’m off lads! Best of Luck.”
Sugar Glider Fairy: “Here you go buddy.”
Australia: “Wait, what?”
Sugar Glider Fairy: “Too late sucker! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!” [Flies away only to be caught by the Criminal Fairy, also heading over to Australia, and is brutally raped and murdered] ).
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So… Sugar Gliders…
As shown in the picture above, these guys are cute and cuddly. They can also fly. I, personally, think this only enhances the cuddle factor and also makes them fun for parties:
Dude: “Hey Other Guy, pass the Sugar Glider!”
Other Guy: “Here you go Dude! [Throws Sugar Glider like a fricking baseball]
Sugar Glider: [SPLAT!]
Other Guy: “What the hell! I thought these little guys could fly!?”
Dude: “Nope. They glide.”
Other Guy: “Oh.”
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Okay, so Sugar Gliders are from Australia and can fly. They are also marsupials (That’s Australian for, ‘weird as shit) Also, they are the MOST AWESOME ANIMALS EVER. I cannot thing of a single animal that even comes close (Screw you cats! In your face Hamsters!)
Now you may ask, “Sir, Why are you so exuberant about these funny little creatures? [Twirls Mustache]
Well, Shut-up! I’m going to have to break my answer down into two parts now Mr. Jerk! Where did you by your stupid? From the stupid store?!
1. Sugar Gliders are pets.
2. Sugar Gliders evolved.
The Awesome Factor inherent to Sugar Gliders is derived from the idea of keeping these guys as pets. Let me explain.
North America: “I do!”
Africa: “I do!”
South America: “Uhm… ok, I guess I’ll take some but just a few please. I already have all kinds of dangerous/weird animals that I picked up from that last stupid fairy (I noticed that the rest of you guys didn’t stop me, even though you knew I was stupid drunk. Thanks jerks!)
Poison Fairy: “Too bad.” [Gives big, heaping hand full to South America.]
South America: “Thanks Asshole! Now nobody is going to want to live here!”
Poison Fairy: “ ‘K mates, I still have most of what I brought with me left. Anyone else? I’ll toss in a boomerang for free.”
Australia: “Sold! Crikey that’s a lot! Let’s put a shrimp on the barby!”
Poison Fairy: “Brilliant! Well, I’m off lads! Best of Luck.”
Sugar Glider Fairy: “Here you go buddy.”
Australia: “Wait, what?”
Sugar Glider Fairy: “Too late sucker! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!” [Flies away only to be caught by the Criminal Fairy, also heading over to Australia, and is brutally raped and murdered] ).
--------
So… Sugar Gliders…
As shown in the picture above, these guys are cute and cuddly. They can also fly. I, personally, think this only enhances the cuddle factor and also makes them fun for parties:
Dude: “Hey Other Guy, pass the Sugar Glider!”
Other Guy: “Here you go Dude! [Throws Sugar Glider like a fricking baseball]
Sugar Glider: [SPLAT!]
Other Guy: “What the hell! I thought these little guys could fly!?”
Dude: “Nope. They glide.”
Other Guy: “Oh.”
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Okay, so Sugar Gliders are from Australia and can fly. They are also marsupials (That’s Australian for, ‘weird as shit) Also, they are the MOST AWESOME ANIMALS EVER. I cannot thing of a single animal that even comes close (Screw you cats! In your face Hamsters!)
Now you may ask, “Sir, Why are you so exuberant about these funny little creatures? [Twirls Mustache]
Well, Shut-up! I’m going to have to break my answer down into two parts now Mr. Jerk! Where did you by your stupid? From the stupid store?!
1. Sugar Gliders are pets.
2. Sugar Gliders evolved.
The Awesome Factor inherent to Sugar Gliders is derived from the idea of keeping these guys as pets. Let me explain.
As mentioned before, these little monsters can fly, glide, whatever. They also tend to shit and piss while they fly. Let’s put it like this, they need large cages (about 66” by 28”) so they can fly around. You also need to move everything away from the cage, about 4 feet away, to keep your stuff from being covered in crap (Which is very acrid and smells horrible). Also, they’re nocturnal. Yep, that’s right; they fly around their cages at night crapping all over the place. Oh, I almost forgot, they also scream loudly and bark like a dog (seriously, they sound just like a dog and their scream is really, really weird) all the time. So let’s review: they fly and crap everywhere, in the middle of the night, while screaming and barking like a dog. Wow, that sounds like an awesome animal, right!? But wait, there’s one more thing which, in my haughty opinion, is what propels these little guys right to the top of the awesome chain…
(WARNING: Awesome is an immutable force of nature a universal law. However, different people have different ideas of what awesome is. How is that possible? It’s a mystery, that’s how jerks! Some scientists think that alcohol was involved. They’re probably right.)
(WARNING: Awesome is an immutable force of nature a universal law. However, different people have different ideas of what awesome is. How is that possible? It’s a mystery, that’s how jerks! Some scientists think that alcohol was involved. They’re probably right.)
What makes these little bastards so awesome is that on top of their other awesome habits/quirks (poop), they also get super depressed super fast and kill themselves if you don’t pay attention to them. Yup, that’s right; the little guys KILL THEMSELVES if they don’t get enough attention. That’s why responsible Sugar Glider owners have to carry their pet with them EVERYWHERE, or get someone to babysit them while they are out of the house. Neat!
To sum it up: Sugar Gliders fly around in their cage, in the middle of the night, crapping and pissing all over the place, screaming/barking like a dog (really guys, its kinda unsettling) and if you don’t sit around and pay attention to them, they kill themselves. Here is an illustration of how I imagine this to work.
To sum it up: Sugar Gliders fly around in their cage, in the middle of the night, crapping and pissing all over the place, screaming/barking like a dog (really guys, its kinda unsettling) and if you don’t sit around and pay attention to them, they kill themselves. Here is an illustration of how I imagine this to work.
Wow. I mean, really…wow. God bless you nature. Speaking of nature, how the hell did these things evolve to be sooo insecure? They’re like natures young Japanese male. I bet it was something like this:
Primordial Sugar Glider: “I’m sad [hangs self with tiny noose]
Nature: “Good Job!”
[Sugar Gliders Evolve to sinister phase-two...]
Nature: “Mwa Ha Ha Ha Ha!!!
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So that’s about it for Sugar Gliders, Nature’s Awesome. Oh, and one last thing; all the Sugar Gliders websites that I looked at (1-2) all pretty much said, “Hey! Don’t get these guys as pets!”
Primordial Sugar Glider: “I’m sad [hangs self with tiny noose]
Nature: “Good Job!”
[Sugar Gliders Evolve to sinister phase-two...]
Nature: “Mwa Ha Ha Ha Ha!!!
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So that’s about it for Sugar Gliders, Nature’s Awesome. Oh, and one last thing; all the Sugar Gliders websites that I looked at (1-2) all pretty much said, “Hey! Don’t get these guys as pets!”
WOW.
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