Vampire stuff reply

Dear Sir Onion Knyght (sp?),

I’m afraid you have your facts out of sorts. It is not just the “Gothopotamus” that has found interest in these books, but indeed the mainstay of the teenage girl population. In my vast experience of Manuscript Dispersal and Retrieval at the local Text Repository, I have found that these books are read by three separate groups: teenage girls, sad 20-30year old women and all the upstanding girls I know who would punch me in the face if they saw that I had this second group and didn’t put them in a separate group from that group.
In my experience, the book is so widespread that it actually traverses the normal “Gothopotamus” barrier and has affected normal people as well (and maybe Brian? It sounds like something he’d read so he could have talking points for when he meets random girls. Brian, if you are reading this don’t go, “Ah-Ha!”, and run down to the library. I’m not putting that on hold for you.)
The majority of the “Gothopotami” that I see at work actually look down on the Twilight series, “Meeeh, this vampire romance is for stupid pretty girls, not super awesome girls (and, ugh, boys) like me! I have discerning tastes! Anne Rice and Trent Reznor and black rainbows and whatnot!” (Nothing against Trent or Anne, It’s just that I assume that I appreciate his music and her writing (go Jesus!) on a much deeper level than they do.)
In conclusion, I submit that perhaps ugly people read twilight, but this Vampire Conspiracy is much larger than just a culling of the heard. It is an assault on our Vampire Social Consciousness, an attempt to alter how we view these blood sucking assholes in society. To put it simply, it’s as if your younger sister were allowed to play G.I Joe with you but she was calling the shots (More tea Mr. Joe? Oooh and how is Mrs. Joe doing today? Is she over her touch of the vapors? That’s good to hear. Oh, hello Cobra Commander! Did you bring the crumpets? ANTON, STOP MAKING THEM FIGHT! IT’S TEA TIME! THAT’S WHY THEY’RE WEARING DRESSES! )



P.S: YES SIR! COLONEL, SIR!

P.P.S: Justin, thank you for being a big enough man to apologize I know they appreciate it.