Gothos in the wild

So wait....you've seen a live Gothopotomus? Sure I've seen photos and the occasional corpse of one when they wash up on shore, but never a LIVE one. Tell me, what are they like? Do they reek of cheap incense and shame? Is it true they respond amicably to shouting "Heeeyyyy Fat Girl! You Ticklish?" while holding out the latest Anne Rice novel? Is it true when you pet them they make the sound of a purring walrus? So many questions....