Problems with vampires (and the beasts that love them)

Stumpy stumpy stumpy....I see they've been brainwashing you in your sleep again. While vampires are indeed notorious jerks (buncha freakin jerks), the 14-16 year old girls who love them do not grow up into babes. Its true, I'm sorry, but that is yet more of the vampire/communist propaganda. See it is a little documented but well know fact that the only chicks of legal age who have a thing for vampires weigh over 250 pounds. Its another part of the vampire curse, like burning in daylight or strange fears of religious icons. Its the lesser documented "Curse of the Fatty" It reads something like this.

"He who doth give his soul to darkness and feast upon the blood of the living, shall know only the loving touch of the gothapotomus. "

Of course the original is in Latin and there are no english equivalent for most of the words, but I have it on good authority that the translation is 110% accurate.

Speaking of, an image of a gothapotomus can be seen here:

















This of course is the lesser seen MALE gothapotomus, but at that size and with that many folds to work in, gender is pretty much optional.

Either way, 4 minutes at GenCon after sunset will show the truth in all their lies. Its sad, but hey, that's what they get for being notorious jerks.